Petey is a special guy, and I don't mean the kind of special that requires a safety helmet while riding passenger in a car, I guess he’s just a different kind of funny. He doesn’t have to tell jokes for people to laugh, and when people do laugh, it’s always with him and never at him (even though people would often be well within their right to laugh at him). Here are a few stories to illustrate just what kind of a guy Petey is, and rest assured, more Petey Pancakes stories will be coming soon.
Air drummer extraordinaire
I have never before, and no doubt will never again, see anything like I saw one evening during my Junior year in college, getting ready to go out to the bars in Boston. As per usual, we four roommates, Petey Pancakes included, were throwing a few beers down the hatch in order to have a good buzz before we hit the bars (a futile attempt to spend a smaller amount of money while at the bars themselves).
While rocking out to a little Led Zeppelin, and getting ready for our nightly adventure, Petey gets really into the ‘pre-game’ and starts rocking out harder than I have ever seen… it was magical. Out of nowhere came the air drums. You can tell that Petey knew what he was doing -- air top-hat to air snare drum, and a whole lot of air base drum… this goes on for a good 5 minutes or so, and then, out of nowhere... BAMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!
In an acrobatic feat that I never even knew was possible, Petey was hitting that air base petal so hard, and with such force, he managed to knee himself in the face, hard. Sure, it hurt… but do you think that slowed Pancakes down at all? Absolutely not, Petey Pancakes is a trooper; After all, a night at the bars wouldn’t be complete without a bruised face for Mr. Pancakes.
The Mouse Hunter
For those of you who were lucky enough to hang out with the “108 Crew” during college, you know that although our apartment was where the fun was at, it wasn’t necessarily where the sanitation was at. We had what Id like to call a bit of a rodent problem; and by a bit of a rodent problem, I mean we had hundreds of mice taking over our apartment. You know it’s bad when the rodents infesting your home start getting pissed at you for blocking their view of the T.V.
We tried everything to get rid of these mice, we tried poison pellets, traps with cheese and/or peanut butter, and we even called in an exterminator at one point. All this, and no results. Apparently Pancakes had had enough. He went to the nearest Wal-Mart, and got some ‘supplies’, and when he came back he had an announcement to make. Apparently, Mouse hunting season was open.
He had purchased two pellet guns (a rifle and a handgun), a knife that was reminiscent of Rambo’s weapon of choice, and military fatigues. When asked why he needed camouflage to hunt mice, he simply said “I want to do this the right way”. I have to hand it to Petey, he was a crack shot. I’m confident that more mice met their demise through Petey Pancakes hands than through the traps we had set up for them. Of course, there were casualties… glassware was shattered, picture frames littered with bullets, and a couple of minor roommate injuries. No one ever said war was pretty.
Petey: 1 Mice: 0
Anger Management
We all have our faults. Petey Pancakes has several – but we still love him. Although we didn’t see it too often, Petey sometimes wasn’t his happy-go-lucky self. In fact, there were several arguments that took place throughout our four years of living together. We argued over the Gatorade bottles of pee (yes, you read that right) he left around our freshman dorm, even though the bathroom was directly across the hall from us; we argued about smoking in the apartment; we even argued over who would go out to get the pizza on occasion. The argument that I’m thinking about now however, wasn’t between Petey and I, it was between Petey and his ex-girlfriend. I wasn't even there that night, all I saw was the devastation that the great storm left behind.
My roommate and I came into the apartment late that night, Petey was all ready sleeping. As soon as we walked in, we noticed something that hadn’t been there before. Right in the middle of our hallway wall, there was a large hole in the drywall, and it was 'hidden' by a single piece of lined notebook paper that was taped over it. Of course we were somewhat upset – after all – we were going to lose part of our security deposit. In our frustration, we tore the piece of paper off the wall, and just went to sleep to deal with it another day.
Clearly, Petey knew that we were upset. I’ll never know if it was us tearing his piece of paper off the wall, or if it was his 6th, or even 7th sense that made him aware, but he definitely knew.
Now, while a normal person would go out, get some spackle and fix the hole, Petey, in his infinite wisdom knew that that wouldn’t quell our frustration with him. So he did what any good, caring roommate would do - he taped another piece of notebook paper to the wall to cover the hole. This piece of paper was different though… we saw the writing on the wall that day, and that writing said:
Sorry guys, I got mad
XOXO
Petey
I’m not one to just forgive and forget- but how could that not melt even the most callused of hearts? Yes Petey Pancakes, we forgive you, and we XOXO you too.
Stay tuned for more Petey Pancakes stories, including, but not limited to:
Petey Pancakes, and the bachelor party debacle
Petey Pancakes, and the tuxedo fitting
Petey Pancakes, and the temple of doom
- Jack Asher
A very special thanks goes out to Petey Pancakes for this one. I appreciate you letting me write all of this stuff, and it only adds to your character that you're able to laugh at all of this stuff too.
