It would only happen to me...

I’ll be honest with you - some days, I just don’t feel like writing a blog. Either I just don't have a good idea on hand, or I just don’t have the motivation to put my awesomely awesome ideas down on paper. Today, it’s a bit of both. But, I owe it to my 2 ½ readers to put something on this damn blog – it’s my responsibility.

So, instead of coming up with a new idea for this post, I just dug deep into the memory bank, and pulled out this gem. Just so you know, this story is 100% accurate. I am not making up any of the details, and several of my friends, including wifey, can attest to this.

I was a victim of a drive-by pie-ing.

It must have been 4 or 5 years ago by now. And as most good stories go, it happened after some drinking. The 108 boys (Petey Pancakes included) and I were pre-gaming at our apartment, and we had a couple of out of town guests over.

With Petey Pancakes there, I should have known that it wouldn’t have been an ordinary night. After heading to the bar, I decide that I’m going to head home a little earlier than the other guys, and avoid whatever Shenanigans were in store.

When I was almost home, I got a call from one of the roommates; apparently one of our guests was kicked out of the bar for being too drunk, or being underage, or both for all I know. Anyways, he asked if I would meet her and show her back to our place since she didn’t know the area well. Me, being the gentleman that I am, say yes.

After a couple minutes of waiting, a red mini-cooper pulls up to the curb, rolls down the passenger side window, and asks me where Hemenway Street is.

Now, these people would either have to be extremely drunk, or extremely dim-witted to not realize that they were literally right in front of Hemenway Street. It was literally 5 feet ahead of them.

“You’re practically on it, it’s this street right here” I say, and point to the sign that’s right above them.

“What? We can’t hear you… say it again!?”

I get a little closer, and repeat, “Hemenway Street? This is it, right here”.

“What? Come closer!”

I get a little closer, and out of nowhere, a whipped cream pie is being hurled at my face. I felt like Marc Summers, circa 1995.

Now, those of you who know me must be kind of surprised by this. After all, my Spidey Senses must have been tingling, and even if they weren’t, my cat-like reflexes should have been more than sufficient for me to dodge this flying dessert. I guess that even Spidey Senses can be dulled after a night full of drinking.

Now I’m standing on the street, completely dumbfounded, and covered in whipped cream – which luckily for me was delicious.

I go home, clean myself up, and tell my friends this story. They find it more comical than I do. I beg them all, please, just don’t laugh. I know it’s a funny situation, and I’ll definitely find the humor in this all tomorrow, but for right now, just let me be fuming mad. They wouldn’t give me this one request.

Years later, as I look back at this whole situation, it is indeed very funny. I mean, not since Nickelodeon has a pie in the face been so widely accepted. But as harmless as this prank turned out, think about this…

What if I were diabetic?


- Jack Asher