If I were Catholic

I only have about 2 ½ readers on this blog (one of the readers is not too bright), so if you're reading this, you probably all ready know from my former posts that I’m not Catholic. I am one of the chosen, one of the few – I am Jew-ish. But what if I were Catholic? I know Lent is going on right now, but to be quite honest, I have no clue what Lent is all about. So like any good investigative blogger, I researched it via the most highly credentialed source that I could find – Wikipedia.

According to Wikipedia, “Today, some people give up a vice of theirs, add something that will bring them closer to God, and often give the time or money spent doing that to charitable purposes or organizations”.

Well, God knows that I don’t have money to give to charitable organizations, and all my free time these days are spent working on this damn blog – So my apologies to those charitable organizations out there, you're out. As for getting closer to God – I think God and I have a good deal going, I don’t invade His personal space, and He doesn’t invade mine. Those are lines I’m not willing to cross. So, I guess that leaves me with giving up one of my many vices. But which one would it be?


The pure hatred of my job –

Giving this up, in all likelihood would make me a healthier and happier person in general. The problem is that I’m REALLY good at hating my job – like, award winning good. I have to give credit where credits due of course – I wouldn’t be able to hate it so bad if it weren’t for my coworkers or managers, they really make it happen for me. All in all, I don’t think I’ll be able to give it up. It just comes too naturally for me.


Pretentiousness –

It’s not really my fault that I’m clearly better than most people I meet. The trick here would be to make other people suck less so that I wouldn’t have to carry this burden of being awesome all the time. Unfortunately though, Lent only lasts 40 days… it would take much longer than that to bring the rest of the world up to my level. Hey guys, want to do me a solid and turn down the dial on the suck a bit? No? Guess it's just not happening.



Booze –

Normally, this would be my winning ticket for Lent. I don’t really drink too much these days anyway, so it wouldn’t be so hard for me. But just ask those 2 ½ readers of mine, and they’ll tell you… putting down the booze before March 17th would make me a quitter, and Jack Asher is no quitter.


Sarcasm –

It has been said that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Whoever says that clearly doesn’t write a daily blog about such meaningless and trivial ideas such as what to give up for Lent, or going to Anime Conventions. Writing is hard enough in general; take away sarcasm and your left with dribble that no one wants to read (and yes, I’m well aware that no one reads my blog currently – but I’m working hard on that).



In the end, I would probably just end up giving up drinking Soda for a month. Here’s to being Jewish – where all sins are washed away after not eating for one day a year. Boo Ya!


- Jack Asher