Long story short, my right leg has been in constant pain for several months now. It started back in February or so, a few months after I had started getting back into my workout routine, and slowly and steadily, the pain's been getting worse as time has gone by. I mean, it even hurts when I’m just standing. Oddly, the only time it doesn’t give me problems is when I’m running. So I finally did something that I hate doing… scheduled a doctors appointment.
The doctor wasn’t much help, as per usual. She told me to stop working out right away, and referred me to an orthopedist, or orthodontist, whichever one fixes appendages. Obviously, I wasn’t about to stop working out, after all, I had a goal to achieve. But I did go to the ortho-guy. The guy took some x-rays and whatnot, and then had me show off my flexibility by having me touch my toes… had it been another type of doctors appointment, I may have questioned this request, but I was in a lot of pain so I just went with it.
Turns out I’m about as flexible as Brett Favre is decisive, which is to say, not very. So the ortho-guy says that may be part of the problem and gives me a prescription for physical therapy sessions.
Here’s the deal. I, like most guys I know only stretch before I go for a run, and even then, it’s pretty much all for show. I just don’t want to waste my time bending down and touching my toes, or lying down bringing my knees to my chest and all that craziness. Workouts should be fast pace, and stretching is the complete opposite. And so, for the next couple of months, I went about my routine as per usual. And the pain continued.
Finally, it got too much. There happens to be a physical therapist who has an office next to my gym, so I went in one day and explained what was going on. He poked around my hamstring a bit and put me in different positions to see where the pain was coming from.
Apparently, this leg issue is coming directly from my ass. You can’t make this stuff up. Apparently, due to my inflexibility, my ass muscles are literally so tight that they’re pinching my sciatic nerve, causing the pain that shoots down my entire leg. Yup folks, you read that right, my tight ass is the reason for all this pain.
So, the guy gives me some stretches to do every day and tells me that it might take a few months, but hopefully it will go away. He also suggested that I get some deep tissue massages in that area to help loosen those muscles up.
The way I see it, I have four options…
1. Stop whining and start stretching, which is painful to both body and pride.
2. Just run everywhere I go, since it seems to be the only time that the leg doesn’t give me problems. Might cause issues in crowded places.
3. Find an open-minded masseuse, and get a thorough ass massage.
4. Learn to live with a bum leg.
Clearly, only one of these answers is realistic. You think I should start looking for an ‘open-minded’ masseuse in the yellow pages, or just skip the frustration and jump right to craigslist?
- Jack Asher
