The Pretzel Necklace Thieves

In my last post, I was talking about my excitement for the beer festival that was held on Saturday, Beer Summit.

I could go into details about the shenanigans that took place over the course of Saturday night, but truth be told - it would probably just bore you. Pretty much, it played out like this:

My friends and I went to beer summit, we all got pretty drunk. We then went to a local bowling alley, Kings, and played pool for a while. They decided to go out to a lame bar afterwards, and I decided it was time to go home. The end. I was well behaved all night, and that was that.

Some of you will recall the last paragraph in my last post. It read:

“Oh, just a word to the wise: make pretzel necklaces. Yes, I realize that it’s kinda lame, and totally cheesy – but you’ll be thanking me when you get the drunchies (drunken-munchies) and instead of every other sucker in there paying $7 for a hot dog, you can just snack on some good ole’ fashion pretzel jewelry. Not to mention they’re great conversation starters.”

This is the true subject behind today’s blog, cause honestly – I’m kinda pissed off.

I’ll be honest with you. Making pretzel necklaces for Beer Summit wasn’t originally my idea. I didn’t even wear one the first year. My friend Barrett had the brilliant idea, and after I saw him that first time – I would never again make the mistake of going to beer summit pretzel-necklace-less. There are a few reasons that pretzel necklaces are so near and dear to my heart... They’re edible – which is always a plus at a venue in which the only other alternative is ludicrously priced burgers or hot dogs. They’re also an outlet for my artistic side, something that’s not really showcased too often. But above all else, the one reason why I spend hours (OK, maybe a few minutes) creating these works of art, is for the attention that I receive.

People see the pretzel necklaces, and they are instantly intrigued/amazed/in love. People ask to take pictures with you, tons of people ask where they can buy them (Ha! As if it were that easy), and all around, people just think that you’re a hero.


So why am I so pissed off?


It’s because over the past couple years, more and more people have been stealing this idea! I know that imitation’s supposed to be the sincerest form of flattery – but when it intervenes with me getting my fair share of attention, that’s when I draw the line.

There was one dude that asked to take a picture of our necklaces this time around – JUST ONE! And it was a DUDE!!!! Sure, people were still impressed with my craftsmanship (after all, there’s more to making pretzel necklaces than just throwing a bag of pretzels on a string), but the attention was clearly diluted by all those other pretzel-donning posers. So what am I supposed to do? Clearly it’s too late to stop the trend – there are just too many people robbing me of my attention-grabbing tactics. The only other way to fight it is to do it bigger and better next time around.

Next time Beer Summit approaches, a mere necklace will not suffice. I intend to make pretzel body armor - think Russel Crowe in Gladiator meets the pretzel vendor in Manhattan. We’ll see if people are willing to go the extra mile to keep up with me then.




- Jack Asher