There I was last Friday afternoon – just hard at work hoping that the few hours of my workday would fly bye (they didn’t – they never do). All of a sudden, I look up at the toolbar, and it looks as though I’ve got a new email.
It’s a Facebook update, and normally – I just totally ignore these because they’re inevitably from someone I don’t have any relationship anymore from High School inviting me to some event that I would never, ever attend. Normally these events have something to do with gay rights, animal activism, or some creepy combination of the two. For those of you who know me well – it’s not likely that I’m going to give up one of my prized weekend afternoons to go protest for the rights of Herbert – the gay humpback whale.
I digress…
As I was looking at this Facebook update, I realized that this had nothing to do with gay animal rights, but rather it was a personal message sent by someone I didn’t know. I dig in a bit further, and this is what the message says:
"If you are the person I think you are, we went to school together at Acacia Elementary in Thousand Oaks California. We were “boyfriend and girlfriend” and you moved to Georgia with your parents in 2nd grade, I think. Let me know. It would be a trip to hear from you!"
Normally, I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast. But this girl I remember well. I mean, I specifically remember how our super serious relationship got started: As I was walking home from first grade, I saw her walking up ahead of me… I ran up to her, gave her a cupcake (a move that I continued to use throughout high school – how do you think I got Wifey’s attention), and then ran off, cause I was too scared to talk to her. If that’s not romance, I don’t know what is. This girl goes on to tell me how she actually had a mini-first-grade meltdown when I moved away.
Anyhow – we catch up, and it’s all really cool and whatnot.
I bet most of you are thinking the same thing right now… wow, how cool is it that we’ve got a tool like Facebook that can reunite people who haven’t even spoken to each other in 20 years! While that is true – this entire situation has led me to think of one thing, and one thing only. I must have been SO pimp back in the day!
I don’t mean to brag (I’m totally bragging) – but how many of you had brief romances back in the 1st grade, never spoke to them again, and 20 years later have them find you on Facebook? Clearly, even in my youth, I knew how to make an impression. And if you extrapolate that out – I must have gotten even better over the years, like a fine wine – I would totally be killing it with the ladies today!
So Wifey, grab your stick – cause you’re going to need it to keep all these ladies away from me now that we’ve seen my true potential!
- Jack Asher
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