REALLY TUESDAY? REALLY?!?

I had an amazing weekend. My family all met up in sunny Puerto Rico for my sisters wedding, and had a blast. We kayaked, we jetskied, we laid out on beaches, and of course, we drank, a lot. There's nothing like taking a four day vacation in a tropical paradise with your loved ones to remind you that things aren't so bad.

And then I come in to work today, and see this:





REALLY?!?!! 2,637 new emails to go through since last Thursday. Looks like reality just slapped me in the face... wait, no... it looks like reality just stole my lunch money, body slammed me onto the pavement, and just to add insult to injury, it went ahead and insulted my mother.

I mean, I sure as hell don't know 2,637 people. According to Facebook, I have 544 friends. But let's be honest here, I actually have about 10 friends total, and I'm pretty sure that 7 of them don't even like me. So unless my 3 friends sent me 879 emails each over the past four days... I have no clue what's going on.

What makes this even more frustrating, is that I can't just go ahead and delete all of these in one fell swoop (that's a legitimate term, right? "fell swoop"?). The problem is, interspersed with all these effin emails that I have no need or want of reading - there are some important ones from people that will get angry with me if I don't read them, i.e. my boss.

So, it looks as though my day will be spent staring very closely at a computer screen as to avoid deleting the wrong emails, and clicking the "delete" button approximately 2,615 times. You think I can get a disability payout for carpel tunnel?

- Jack Asher