Well, the time is almost upon us. The time where children will be laughing in the streets, and college-aged girls will be passed out all but naked, also in the streets. Yes, I'm talking about that spooky, yet comical pseudo holiday; Halloween.
I know what you all must be thinking... aren't you getting a bit old to be dressing up for Halloween? The answer, my friends is not at all. You see, at different stages in ones life, Halloween will mean different things. For instance, to any child ages 5 - 11, it just means that you're going to go out with your parents, and come back with all the candy you could dream of. To kids aged 12 - 16, it means one of two things: either you're going to be staying in because you're WAY too cool to be going out for Halloween, or that it's a perfect excuse to go out and wreak havoc on the neighborhood. To college students, Halloween is a time of blatant promiscuity without fear of judgement or reproach.
And then for people my age, Halloween is just a great excuse to get together with some friends, and get mildly drunker than usual.
So on this October 31st (or 30th, depending on your age group, and responsibilities on the following day), go out, and enjoy the scene. You'll likely see all the accoutrement of the holiday, including but not limited to: ghosts, spider men, power rangers, scooby doo's, scooby don'ts, and of course, a fair share of scantily clad police officers and nurses. Although I can't be sure, I have a feeling that these will be thoughts of all those who are dressing up this year:
Power Ranger - Look, here's the deal.... I want candy, and not just any candy. I know you've got some full sized candy bars hiding somewhere behind that bowl of smarties. Clearly, I'm doing my part... I'm dressed up to the nines, now it's time to reciprocate. I swear to God if you don't give me the candy I want, I'm going to tell my older brother that THIS is the house to egg and/or TP when he and his goons head out into town in approximately 4 hours.
Scary Mask - Hey guys, here's the house that my little brother told me about. DUDE, they're going to be so pissed when they open the door and see all this TP hanging from this tree! EXTREEEEMMMEEEE!!!!!!!
Sexy Nurse - OMG, I am going to get sooooo wasted tonight! I hope Brad's going to be at the party, I know I've hooked up with, like, 3 or 4 of his roommates this semester, but I don't think he knows. Who wants a Jello shot?!!? OMG OMG OMG, I LOVE THIS SONG, WOOOOOOH!!!!!! (as a side note, in the event of serious injury this Halloween, DO NOT consider this girl to be a viable health care provider).
The Situation - Man, I've been hitting the gym for the past 4 weeks getting prepared for tonight. Time for all those protein bars and creatine shakes to work their magic. Dude, don't get stingy with that hairgel, or those rufies. This is my time to shine.
Matching Family of... Bunnies -
Mother: Oh my goodness, I am LOVING THIS! The kids are so cute, and how great is it that my husband is a part of this too! WAIT, DON'T MOVE, I'LL GRAB THE CAMERA!!!!
Father: Fuck. Tonight's poker night, and I'm dressed up as a goddamn bunny rabbit. I swear, if any of my friends see me tonight, I'm going to lose my shit. I'm talking about making a scene, I don't even care if we're in public. The only thing keeping me sane right now is this flask. I hate my life more right now than ever before.
Teenage son: Fuck. All my friends are going out and wreaking havoc while wearing their scary masks, and I'm dressed up as a goddamn bunny rabbit. I swear, if any of my friends see me tonight, I'm going to lose my shit. I'm talking about making a scene, I don't even care if we're in public. Hey Dad, pass the flask!
Toddler: Dude, I don't care if I look like the biggest tool that's ever been... I'm going to clean up tonight! You know what a bunny suit gets you...? It gets you full sized candy bars, that's what.
- Jack Asher
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