Oh, To Be A Part Of The Minority...

Whoa whoa whoa, you totally read that title wrong. I’m not talking about being part of a racial, ethnic, or even religious minority here. I’m talking about something that almost EVERYONE can relate to. I’m talking about being one of the rare few, the elite, who actually enjoy going to work.

I know I shouldn’t complain. At least I have a job right now, which given the state of the economy over the past two years is a feat in and of itself. But taking a look back through my years of employment, I can definitely tell you that it’s been a rarity for me to actually enjoy my work – and this is coming from a guy who’s had a LOT of jobs.

Here is just a brief smattering of the jobs that I’ve held in the past, and my rating of them (1-5 with 1 being the worst job, and 5 being the best).




Subway Sandwich Artist (4) – That’s right, I was an artist with those cold cuts. A genuine Rembrandt with the veggies, and when it came to an Italian sub – Leonardo da Vinci himself would be left speechless. This job certainly didn’t pay well, but that’s to be expected. It was my first job, and I loved it all the same. Besides, what does a 15 year old need a paycheck for anyway?



Snow Removal/Construction/Various other manual labor (2) – After seeing “Good Will Hunting”, I was totally expecting to become best friends with Ben Aflec. Sadly, it was not meant to be.

Starbucks Barista (5) – Well, I didn't exactly have the standard corporate experience while at Starbucks. For the majority of my time there, we were without a manager, and 21 year olds were running the place. I have to say, TazoBerry and vodka mix better than you might think.

Drive-Thru convenience store clerk (4) – Who would have thought that drinking on the job would be so well-received when you have ex-convicts as your shift supervisors? The downside: I now wake up screaming in the middle of the night after hearing some of their more ‘romantic’ stories.





Night Janitor (3) – This job would have been great if it wasn’t for the fact that it required me to be awake from 11:00 through 3:00, three nights a week during high school. I may have failed my French test, but at least I know that I can empty the trash bins of an office in 30 seconds flat! You can’t put a grade on that kind of pride.




Nude Model (2) – Ok, I feel like I should explain this one. First off, it was for college art classes, so you’re not going to see me in any smut magazines. Secondly, it was a desperate situation. Here I was a freshman in college, without any beer money. A friend of mine told me that they’re always hiring for this kind of work, so I went for it. Not as fun as you might think… it’s not easy holding a pose for 10 minutes with a bunch of college kids staring at your nether regions.


Waiter (5) – There’s nothing better than being a waiter while in college. You make great money, you don’t have much responsibility, and there’s never a dull night. I once worked on Valentines Day, and had to wait a table where the girl had obviously just dumped the guy. To you sir, I say man-up… no one needs a blabbering, teary eyed dude ruining the vibe for the rest of us. And to you Miss, I say – Heyyyy, I noticed that you’re not seeing anyone… no one should be alone on Valentines day ;-)

Telemarketer (0) – You know how much you hate getting phone calls while you’re eating dinner? Well the guys and gals calling you, they hate it just as much. The only difference is that while you get to scream obscenities at the caller, we just sit there and take it, and die a little on the inside.



Financial Advisor (2) – Here I am thinking that I’m going to be the next Gordon Gekko, The head honcho on wall street, the guy that everyone wants to be. And then they go and drop the bomb on me… you mean I don’t start out with a 6 figure salary, and I have to work how many hours? F&%k that noise, I’m outta here.


Business Development Representative (3) – Here’s one of those jobs where the title is much more impressive than the job itself. Really, I’m a glorified salesman. Only, not too glorified – I’m just a salesman really. It’s a vicious cycle, I keep getting these sales jobs that I hate, but the more of them I get, the harder it is to convince people that I’d be good at a non-sales job. Irony: 1 Jack Asher: 0







Know of anyone that’s hiring?


- Jack Asher