Al Gore VS. Captain Planet

Bio’s

Al Gore, author and documentarian of “An Inconvenient Truth” is a world renown environmental activist. He’s brought the topic of global warming to the front of millions of Americans minds, and has helped inspire a nation to replace our light bulbs.

Captain Planet is a super-hero who, when summoned by the Planeteers, uses his powers to stop pollution, radiation, and smog. He can often be seen sporting a green hair style, and thwarting his enemies with his awesomely wry sense of humor.







Military Service Record:

Al Gore: Served in Vietnam between 1969 and 1971, as a journalist. Lame.

Captain Planet: While it’s not clear which campaigns Capt. Planet was involved in, we know that he must have served, and done considerable things. You don’t become a “Captain” overnight… it takes some serious badass-ness. My guess is that he served in the Navy.

Score: Gore 0 Capt. Planet 1








Powers:

Al Gore: Uses the Power of PowerPoint Presentation (and possibly alliteration). Not everyone can put together a slideshow as comprehensive as that.

Captain Planet: Flight, the use of the elements – wind, fire, water, earth - and heart? Last time I checked, heart wasn’t an element. Really, it’s just an organ. You know, Planet, you really shot yourself in the foot on this one. Normally, the power of flight would have put you way over the top, but don’t go throwing heart in there like no one can see it – you’re better than that.

Score : Gore: 1 Capt. Planet: 1






Nemesis:

Al Gore: George Bush, Circa 2000 elections

Captain Planet: Toxicity, radiation, smog.

Honestly Planet, time to step up your A-game! How are you going to go and fight pollution if every time you get around the stuff you start having Asthma attacks? Not very super-hero like.

Score: Gore 2 Capt. Planet 1





Recent Accomplishments:

Al Gore: Nobel Peace Prize, Sold millions of books. Typically, I’d say that this would be a huge advantage for Gore, but then I thought about a couple of other people that have accomplished similar feats recently.... Obama won that Nobel after being in office for less than 1 year, and Sarah Palin has sold millions of books. Not so impressive anymore, is it?

Captain Planet: Being able to stay memorable even in the 21st century.

Score: Gore 2 Capt. Planet 2






Fan Base:

Al Gore: Millions, and still growing

Captain Planet: Dwindling in recent years.

Final Score: Gore 3 Capt. Planet 2





WINNER: Al Gore

Sorry Capt. Planet, but with our powers combined, you’re still not as impressive as a middle aged, tree-hugging, Democrat.








- Jack Asher